Counseling Tools – Remarkable Relationships

SEW - Clear and Constructive Communication within Remarkable Relationships.

This method was first discovered by Dr. Julia Colwell. And, although we’ve tweaked it a bit, we give her the credit for pioneering this theory.

Introduction

The SEW method is a powerful tool for fostering clear and constructive communication, particularly within Remarkable Relationships.

SEW, focuses on expressing your personal experience in a way that minimizes defensiveness and promotes understanding. By focusing on your Sensations, Emotions, and Wants, you can communicate your needs effectively and work towards positive solutions.

Applying the SEW Method

Sensations

What physical sensations are you experiencing in your body?

“I'm experiencing tension and stress in my head, neck, and shoulders."

“I'm experiencing tightness in my chest."

“I'm experiencing queasiness in my stomach."

Note: Be specific and honest about the physical sensations you are feeling.

Emotions

What emotions are you experiencing as a result of these sensations?

“These physical sensations are causing me to feel a range of emotions, including:"

Angry

Afraid

Sad

Happy

Excited

You may be experiencing multiple emotions simultaneously. Include any and all emotions you are aware of.

Want

What do you really want?

(This section focuses on identifying your personal needs and desires, and what you can control.)

“What do I want to feel instead?"

(e.g., calm, relaxed, at ease)

“What actions would help me alleviate these sensations and emotions?"

(e.g., take a break, practice deep breathing, talk to someone, engage in a relaxing activity)

"What changes do I want to make in my environment or routine?"

(e.g., reduce workload, create a more peaceful space)

“What support do I need from my partner?"

(e.g., support from them listening, or support in helping with household chores.)

“What can I do to help myself?"

Examples

“What I really want is to feel calm and relaxed, and to release the tension in my body."

“What I really want is to understand why we keep having this same disagreement, and to find a way to communicate more effectively."

"What I really want is to communicate more often and clearly, which will help us build a Remarkable relationship."

Using the SEW Methodfor Communication

By using the SEW method, you can clearly communicate your experience to your partner. For example, you could say:

“I’m experiencing tension in my neck and shoulders, tightness in my chest, and queasiness in my stomach. This is causing me to feel a mix of fear and sadness. What I really want is to understand why we keep having this same disagreement, and to find a way to communicate more effectively.”

Actionable Steps

Take a moment to write down your sensations, emotions, and wants.
Choose a time to communicate this to your partner when you both feel calm and receptive.
Focus on using “I” statements to express your personal experience.
Listen actively to your partner’s response.
Work together to find solutions that address both of your needs.

Key Takeaways

The SEW method helps you structure your communication for clarity and allows you to have more constructive conversations.
Identifying your Sensations, Emotions, and Wants is crucial for finding solutions.
Be specific and honest about your sensations and emotions.
Focus on what you can control.
The goal is understanding and collaboration, not “winning” an argument.